Grieving

I had a rough night last night.

It seems that now I have returned from Haiti, I am finally able to grieve the disaster that was the earthquake. And it kind of sucks.

When you're in Haiti for a long time, your mentality shifts. You get to a point where you recognize that everything that Haiti is dealing with is just the reality. You want to do as much as you can to make that reality a bit better... but things that would normally be terrible just become... normal.

You expect to see crumbled buildings. You expect to see kids begging for money and/or food. You expect some of the people you meet to still be living in a tent. It seems (somewhat) normal.

Sometimes you are faced with elevated circumstances within that normal that make you sad... make you want to fix it. For example, when I was first in Haiti and I would travel to the UMCOR NGO office, I would see this flattened hospital. Thinking about the trained medical professionals and the patients inside was... heartbreaking. Right outside the hospital was this haunting, abandoned red car that had obviously been there since the earthquake. What happened to the owner? Moments like that make you want to weep... when you're met with such a harsh visual.

Or, for example, that first time that we really talked with Robenson's mother. When we found out that in the 35 seconds of the earthquake she lost her husband, income, and home... and that she had been working tirelessly for the past 6 months after the quake to put food on the table. She couldn't afford anything else, though... and, at times, she could barely afford the food. Moments like that also bring deep sadness to your heart. A moment when you re-commit yourself to helping kids go to school, making sure they have enough to eat, and making sure that they're living in a safe, secure place.

But since I've been home (this past week or so especially) I have found myself truly grieving. For Haiti. For my friends. For the disasters upon disasters that strike the country and for the people who have no time to grieve, no time to stop because sending their children to school and putting food on the table is more important.

I recently watched a show called "World's Deadliest Earthquakes" in which the Jan. 12th earthquake was the first one mentioned. I re-watched footage of Haiti during and immediately after the quake. I saw people screaming and weeping in the streets. I saw my Haitian brothers and sisters trying so desperately to get their friends and family out of collapsed buildings. I saw a dead body in the street covered with a worn sheet.

I admit that I cried. I felt that moment all over again... but this time, it felt personal. The people screaming on the TV were my friends... not people from a random, far-away country. They were those that had welcomed me, arms open. Who cared for me. Who supported me. They are Oge, and Belorne, and Claire, and Marie Claude, and Johnny, and Daniel, and Maxo, and Peterson, and Jean Claude, and Ruth, and so many, many more.

I don't know where I am going with this really. I suppose I just wanted to make the reality of that disaster real for you again, too. To remember that the work is not done. To remember that there are missionaries and NGO workers that are there working tirelessly to bring healing and comfort to Haiti. To remember that there are still people in tents. There are still kids who go to bed hungry. There are still parents without income. There are still people who shift through the rubble.

And now that I'm separated from it... now that I'm having a chance to process all of it... I remind myself that while it may be Haiti's currently reality... it shouldn't be their reality forever.

Haiti is important. The people are real. We need to continue to respond - through prayer, advocacy, and donations.

And we need to keep telling their story. To continue to remind people that they're still there. There is still work to do.

I blogged...

Just not here.

Sorry!

I'll attempt to blog more as my time in Haiti comes to a close. Here is my blog on a different blog:

http://mannafeast.tumblr.com/post/5378198994/i-often-think-about-this-little-girl-i-wonder

Enjoy!

Gudu Gudu (Earthquake)

I haven't updated in a while.

I always seem to start out these entries this way lately. But so it goes sometimes.

Anyway, I have been back in Haiti now for one week. I went home and visited my family for 3 wonderful, refreshing weeks and now I am back.

It's good to be back.

As soon as I arrived I was greeted with hugs and to-do lists. I am a part of the fabric now. A little Beth thread woven in to so many stories and situations and families. When I was in Kansas City, I kept on finding myself referring to Haiti as "home." As in, "I go home on Jan. 2." I caught myself every time and attempted to correct myself, but truly... Haiti has become home in so many ways. It was wonderful to be reunited with my Haitian family again.

Tomorrow marks an important anniversary for Haiti. One that is bound to be extremely emotional.

I'm not quite sure how I am going to handle it. You see, I had never been to Haiti before the earthquake. I never met a single one of the lives lost. Although my heart was distraught watching the images on my TV last Jan. 12, there was no real connection. Just a longing to heal and to love on this tiny, hurting nation.

But now I have become entrenched in the Haitian world.

I can imagine that tomorrow I will be grieving. I will be grieving for my Haitian brothers and sisters whose lives were cut short, whose families will never be able to hug them again. I will particularly be grieving for the friends and family of my Haitian friends who won't ever attend another family dinner, or call them up on the phone just to say, "Hey."

After living here for 7 months now (I know! Time flies!) I cannot imagine that tomorrow will be easy. But I also cannot imagine, even still, what tomorrow will feel like for my Haitian brothers and sisters. They've experienced... just... too much to even fully comprehend, let alone understand what their emotions might be on the anniversary of one of, if not THE, most horrific day of their lives.

Although it's not been announced as an official holiday, it essentially is. Businesses will be closed, schools will be closed, and churches will be holding services all day to honor the dead and to come together for worship, mourning, and friendship.

We will be attending a memorial service at 6:30 a.m. outside the palace. It will be a multi-denominational service with even some of our own speaking at it - most notably, Jim Gulley, the "miracle man" who survived the earthquake spending many days stuck in the collapsed Hotel Montana.


After the service, a few of us will be going to the grounds of the Hotel Montana to mourn the lives of those lost there - particularly the lives of Clinton Raab and Sam Dixon. We will also be there to remember that there is hope and to remind ourselves of our commitment to continue to be a healing presence in Haiti. It's important, worthy work... even if the costs are sometimes quite steep. It's going to be a beautiful service.

Please, if you would, pray for the Haitians that will be experiencing great fear and great grief tomorrow. Please also consider a monetary donation to UMCOR, UMVIM, or Week of Compassion so that these worthy organizations can continue to respond to this great, devastating disaster. There is still so much to do.

Blessings to each of you as you find your own small ways to remember Jan. 12, 2010 in your hearts. Thank you for your constant love and support. I feel it surround me every day.

Beth

Election Time is Comin

Friends,

I just wanted to let all of you know that I am safe. Much violence broke out across Haiti yesterday with the results of Haiti's presidential election. There will be a run-off in January between two folks: Mirlande Manigat and Jude Celestin.

The people are happy about Manigat, but quite angry about Celestin. Supporters of a man named Michel Martelly are particularly upset, saying that the election was rigged and it should have been Manigat and Martelly in the run-off. Martelly supporters have blocked roads and gathered in groups to shout protests and march through the cities.

We are staying inside the Guest House and staying tuned to news reports. We are also in contact with our friends (interpreters, cooks, drivers, etc.) who are away from the Guest House and might have a better assessment of what's going on in the streets. Everyone we know is also okay and staying inside today.

If there are any further updates, I will let you know. Needless to say, this is definitely going to be a story I'm going to be able to tell for the rest of my life!

Praying for peace,
Beth

Foosball: A Photo Story

Today we went to the Ibo Lele hotel for a little R&R and for Barry's "last hurrah" before he heads home next week on Sunday. I've been to Ibo Lele several times and I always have a great time. During these visits, we've discovered that Sunday afternoons are the best time to visit Ibo because they have a bar area open with American football on the TV, two pool tables, a foosball table, and (of course) alcohol.

The visit today was quite nice - good food, good company, and cooler (73 degree) weather.

However, after lunch is when the real fun began. Oge and I went downstairs to the bar area and played foosball.



Oge has never played foosball so it was fun teaching him how to play. It was an instant hit, though, and soon the competition was on!



I won the first four games. :) Yeah!



Oge was a little confused - why wasn't he winning?? :(



Even though he wasn't winning, he was still having a pretty good time. Lots of laughter, that's for sure!



But then, on the very last game, when we were neck and neck - 1 point needed for each of us to win... he won. :(



Anyway, I thought you might enjoy seeing some of those photos. I think sometimes people back home have the impression that I am suffering and enduring many hardships to do the work that I do here. This is not to say that there aren't difficult times because there are. This is also not to say that I don't meet my fair share of "cultural bumps." However, this is to say that I have moments of "luxury" and fun in this country as well. You just gotta look for the right places.

Lastly, I thought I would share this little bit. As many of you know, I am constantly amazed at what money can pay for here. I still remember when I found out that Robenson got kicked out of school briefly because his mother couldn't afford $32 for 4 months of schooling. Today was another one of those moments.

Tonight I handed out money for 8 boys to take their school exams (yes, they have an exam fee AND if you're in certain grades they make you pay to get the certificate saying you took the test as well), 4 boys to get new sandals, and 3 boys to get some food for themselves and their families. Total, all of this cost less than $75. CRAZY. Anyway, I thought I would pass along their big smiles and loud "THANK YOUs" to all of you as well. God is good!

For now, I'm off to bed. Sending love to all of you. See some of you in a week from tomorrow! :)

Beth

Happy Thanksgiving!

It was very strange to be celebrating Thanksgiving in a foreign country today. Haiti does not celebrate Thanksgiving and so it felt like any other day - just a normal Thursday. However, I have been away from my family and friends for 3.5 months now and I was not going to let this Thanksgiving go by without some sort of celebration. It would just be too sad to not do something.

So about 3 days ago I asked Belorne if we could have a Thanksgiving feast for dinner today. She agreed. Then I asked if we could also invite the staff to partake in Thanksgiving dinner. Thankfully, she agreed to that, too. :)

Around 10 a.m. we set out for the grocery store to buy the necessary materials for an excellent Thanksgiving feast. On the menu was: turkey - fried (Haitian style) and roasted, sweet mashed potatoes, regular mashed potatoes, green beans, peas, rice, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy, spice cake, and (most importantly) homemade applesauce. Also, we were going to make punch for our drink. Lots of stuff to buy!

It was a fairly normal shopping trip, except that most of the folks there were celebrating Thanksgiving, too. Everywhere we turned ex pats were saying to us, "Happy Thanksgiving." It felt good to be among fellow celebrators.

What was super hilarious, though, was that the store had stocked up on turkeys for Thanksgiving (as a big portion of their business is done with people who work for International NGOs.) However, these turkeys DEFINITELY had to be shipped in and so they were SUPER expensive. We bought a 20 lb turkey today for a little over $50. Crazy!

We arrived back at the GH and began preparations for the meal around 1 p.m. Most of the things we were making didn't take much prep work so that was good.

However, there was one dish that took quite a bit of work... the applesauce.

Now, some of you may think that applesauce is a strange dish to have at Thanksgiving. I found that out today. I mentioned that we were having applesauce to some of our guests and they said, "Oh, well...okay. I've never really thought of applesauce as a 'Thanksgiving dish.'" That's when I would say, "Well, then you've obviously never been to a Thanksgiving on Brucker Family Farm in Dahinda, IL!"

Yes, every year my Aunt Amy makes an AMAZING homemade applesauce for Thanksgiving. This year, as I would not be in Dahinda to celebrate the holiday, I e-mailed her for directions so I could make it myself. It's always my favorite dish at Thanksgiving.

But, I discovered that it takes quite a bit of work to make this one dish. We had to peel, core, and cut up around 40 apples for the amount of people we had to feed.

- Deanna and Belorne help me prepare the apples for the applesauce -

Then we had to put all of them in a pan over the stove with just a little bit of water added. After that I added sugar and cinnamon...


And it was PERFECT. Seriously, once it was done... it was worth all the hard work. Especially since I had some helpers along the way. :) In fact, one of the teams we had staying at the GH, without knowing which dishes we made, decided that the applesauce and the stuffing were the two best dishes of the night and demanded recipes. It felt good to be a chef!

It was also delightful to invite our Haitian family (the staff) to partake in Thanksgiving meal with us. For the blessing before the meal we ended up singing the Doxology and we all sang it in English while our Haitian brothers and sisters sang it in Creole.

It felt wonderful to spend that time with the people here I know and love even when I could not spend it with my family at home. It really made the experience that much brighter for me.

- Madame Claire and her mashed sweet potatoes masterpiece... yum! -

I am often in awe at how God has truly blessed me and when I take the time to think about it, I am reminded how it is my job to share my blessings and bless others. It truly was amazing to spend this Thanksgiving in Haiti - a 3rd world country, in the midst of some political turmoil and violent rioting, while also in the midst of a growing epidemic, while also in the midst of still trying to pick up the pieces of their lives that were destroyed/altered during the earthquake. Seriously, how blessed am I!?! How blessed are we!?!?

Today I am thankful for food. I am thankful that I have enough food to share.


I am thankful for family and friends. I am thankful to have a strong enough support system in my life to be of support to others.

I am thankful for health, for shelter, and for an (easily obtained) education.

Lastly, I am thankful for knowledge of this great, loving God. I am thankful for a family who taught me about this God. I am thankful for children's ministers, youth leaders, and other influential adults in my life who helped shaped this faith in God and taught me to listen to God's call. I am thankful that I get to wake up every day knowing I have a divine Creator who knows me and loves me in spite of all the stupid stuff I do. I am thankful for the hope that I have - for myself, for my friends, for my family, for Haiti - and I am thankful that I get the opportunity to be a small slice of that hope to others each and every day.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Beth

P.S. I will be posting all of my Thanksgiving photos to Facebook so check there soon to see them! :)

Edit: Click here to see my photos from my Haitian Thanksgiving.

Long Overdue

Sometimes I forget that I'm living in a foreign country.

No, seriously. I feel like I've been here for so long now that sometimes I forget that my reality - all that I see and live within every day - is not the reality that most of you face every day. This is not a bad thing, it's just interesting. I truly do live in Haiti now. Crazy!

Now this is not to say that I still don't have times when I see something or learn about something and remember, "Whoa! I am not in the United States..." But it's becoming rarer. I think I'm definitely going to have some reverse culture shock when I return home in a few weeks. It will be interesting to see how different it is coming home this time than it was coming home the first time.

It has been an interesting past couple of days, though.

The cholera issue seems to be getting worse. Granted, those of us with access to good drinking water and hand sanitizer are going to be just fine - but a large portion of Haitians are at serious risk. This causes for some panic, as you can imagine. Therefore, there have been several protests and riots across the country. Some more serious than others. Luckily, we've been able to avoid all of them, but we have had to change our plans for the day on a few occasions because of it.

Unfortunately, it seems like it's going to stay that way for a while until the new president is announced. After that, the protests/riots could die down, or they could get worse. Everyone is fairly unclear at this point. However, I believe that they'll die down. I'm not too worried about it beyond election day. (Which is Sunday.)

Things here have been good, otherwise. We've been taking a few trips out to work sites recently to get an update on work being done there. It's really fun to go from site to site and see the progress. Also cool is that we've had the opportunity to go to these places during school hours and (almost) all of them have schools on the grounds we're working on. The kids are so stinkin cute in their uniforms and big smiles as they proudly show off what little English they know. Too much fun. I have some new pictures from those visits that I'll have to post soon.

I also have an update on Robenson. The best lead that I had for a place for him to stay ended up not working out. Apparently, that place can not take children older than 7. Big bummer. Very, very sad as it would have been a great place for him.

After that I looked at another place that's run by a friend of a friend. Turns out, though, that this place only does adoptions - it's not a Children's Home. Now, it is possible for Robenson's mother to forgo her parental rights and put Robenson up for adoption. However, who knows if that would actually be the best option for that family. We haven't even told his mother that U.S. adoption is an option and I can't quite decide if it's a good idea or not to tell her. I'll be seeking out more advice in the next few days and so prayers for discernment would be good. Beyond that, if we do end up telling her, prayers for her discernment would also be appreciated. Discernment for everyone!

So yeah! That's been a bit of the craziness here. I'm starting to really look forward to my visit home, though. I'll arrive in KC on the 13th of December and stay until I fly out early on January 2nd. I hope to see a good portion of you while I'm in town. :)

Lastly, I should mention that the mission fund is running low again and I'm getting more requests for scholarship money now that payment is due again for most schools. Please prayerfully consider, as you're planning your holiday giving, contributing to our mission fund. I have already seen your financial resources do so much and there is still so much more to do. Thank you for even considering. If you'd like more information on the mission fund or are interested in contributing, please e-mail me at bethisinchina@yahoo.com. Mesi anpil!

And on that note, I'm off to get ready for bed. Sending love your way!

Beth